My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i drank out of a bidet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
