No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
