so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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