epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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