I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
