I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
