If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
