Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
