If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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