drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
