We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
