areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
