Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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