Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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