He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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