i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
