do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
