hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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