dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
