dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
