He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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