I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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