I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
