Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
