WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
