My cat gives me a boner
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
