Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She even gives head with a lisp.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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