she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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