Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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