I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize