My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
