I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
