Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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