Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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