I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
