i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
