I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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