Small penises have feelings too.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
