My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
