I'm sorry my penis didn't work
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't deserve a penis
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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