Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
