We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
wow bdsm is so cute
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
