She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
