It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
