You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
