First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
