I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
