I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
