Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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