Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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