Your dad touched me again.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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