Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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