You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
DRUNK COOKIES
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