There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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