just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
