I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
