I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
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i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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