this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I want to fling myself into the sun
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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