i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
