she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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