Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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