so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
