Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
