I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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