Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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